Waiting (impatiently) for the Go-ahead

& I feel WAY STRESSED OUT.

Why?  Because we might be leaving for Hong Kong in  1 1/2 weeks and we might not.  There are still documents that have to get filed in Hong Kong and there is NOTHING I can do about it.

We have purchased airplane tickets to get there, but we might need to change them (it makes sense mathematically...but not to my heart). 
We might be packing frantically in 1 week (I can't pack too much now because we're still wearing the clothes we will need in Hong Kong), but we might not. 
We might get to meet our much-prayed-over son in 2 1/2 weeks, we might have to wait longer. 
We WILL need to rent an apartment because most hotel rooms in Hong Kong don't fit 7 people...and the ones that do are already booked...and frankly a lot of the decent apartments are booked too.
We WILL need a flight home...preferably in seats close to each other...who am I kidding....at this point I'm getting concerned we won't be able to find 7 seats on one plane for less than 1200 a piece.

I have known for months that we wouldn't have much warning before we traveled to Hong Kong, but I definitely DID NOT get what that would really mean until it was staring me in the face.  And I'm having a really hard time not stressing to the breaking point over it.

I think I could handle all this wait and see stuff better if it was just Andrew and I.  Hotel rooms would be easier, plane tickets would be easier; I think I could be more willing to fly by the seat of my pants.  But with so many of us....the planning gets a LOT more complicated.  And my heart is so ready to go!

Yes, I've read the verses about waiting on the Lord and about Him taking care of His own and about casting my cares. 

But right now, it feels really, really hard. 

Maybe because I'm a planner (with a capital P).  But maybe more than my control-freakedness, it is because Faith is never so hard as when I have to put it into action.  When I'm scared that we won't get to fly home together....that we'll end up in an apartment that doesn't include bed linens (yes, there are a lot of those), the only toilet doesn't work and it's in the noisiest part of the city....and that it will be that much longer before we get to see this boy face to face:

We need to get there soon, right?



ps.  Please pray for me to really leave my concerns in my very capable Savior's hands and please pray He takes care of all these details...thanks!
 

Only God could do this

Have you ever had a time in your life where you had a legitimate heart desire and yet you didn't see any way for it to be fulfilled and then - WHAM - God pours out blessings above and beyond what you could have ever hoped for???  Well, this is one of those stories.

Ever since we were "unofficially matched" with our new son in Hong Kong I have had a concern about language in the short and long term.  Yes, I know kids pick up language quickly when they are immersed, but my nearly 9 1/2 year old son has had a lot of instability the last 5 years and frankly, the amount of Cantonese I can learn before we travel and all the pantomiming in the world won't get me very far when attempting to communicate that he is loved regardless of how big or little a struggle it is to adjust to life after moving across the ocean and away from everything he knows.  Emotions swell in me as I think of everything he will leave behind in order to join our family...I don't want language to be another loss.  I shared my concern with others and I prayed about what we could do, but I felt pretty overwhelmed and helpless.

Enter Amazing Blessing #1.  Sometimes when I spoke to people about my concern, they mentioned a Christian family who moved back to Morton 3 years ago.  This family lived in Hong Kong for 4 years and then Southern China for 12.  They established a business and a church there and then God called them back to Morton.  I learned that the husband is completely fluent in Cantonese and the wife knows a fair amount as well.

I heard about them, but I admit, I was very reluctant to contact them.  After all, I was asking them to take a part in my son's life!  To be available to help sort out messiness when the language barrier is causing frustrations and anger.  This was no small request, and this couple has their jobs, 3 children, and a life of their own.  Finally after 3 months of praying and stewing, I asked for their contact information and sent an email.  The very next day the wife contacted me and said she'd like to meet with me the next night at a local coffee house.

To say I was nervous was an understatement.  Did she think I was nuts to be imposing on their family?  Would she feel obligated to help?  I prayed for calm and the wisdom to speak the right words.

And our meeting was wonderful.  No, better than that.....annointed.

She told me how excited she was for our family and how she and her husband would love to help with some translation and teaching us about Hong Kong so we can understand a bit better where our son is coming from and the great heritage he brings with him.  And then she added, "But your greatest asset will be a woman named Winnie."

Amazing Blessing #2....Winnie.

Winnie just arrived in the United States 1 month ago.  She came to join her husband (an American) who is furthering his education.  Winnie is from southern China.  Her native language is Cantonese, and she is also fluent in Mandarin and English.  She is a wonderful Christian woman...who now lives in my tiny hometown and is willing to help.  My heart catches in my throat and my eyes fill with tears.

And there's more....she was a teacher in China.  She has a heart for children and a gift to teach!!!!

I sat in awe.

But the blessings didn't end there!!!

This dear wife didn't just hand me Winnie's contact information, smile and walk away.  She told me she would get a hold of Winnie and her husband and find some dates that would work for them and then call me up so we can arrange a date for all of us to get together and get to know one another better.

I could have never even dreamt to ask for the reality God has blessed me with.  God's blessings are truly "pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap."

Ringing in the New Year with an elephant nose and googly eyes

This year ended in quite the whirl-wind.  We got our LONG awaited homestudy approval and then, just a short time later got our 1800A approval (which I had filed before our homestudy was approved so the immigration approval process could get started).  We got the approved homestudy from our case worker and then made copies of it and the rest of our dossier in quadruplicate (more than 350 copies in all) and got the dossier sent off just in time to wrap presents and run around to various Christmases.  Whew!

Then we got sick.  Alyssa got the flu and Andrew and I got the nastiest cold/fever thing known to man.  Since Andrew is still suffering with sciatic pain...I haven't mentioned that before, have I?  Ok, briefly, he herniated his L5-S1 (we don't know how) on November 13th and was in excrutiating pain for a several days (like he couldn't bear to do anything but lie on his back) and then horrible pain for nearly a month (couldn't stand still for more than a couple minutes at a time).  Finally on December 14th, he got some relief in the form of an epidural shot.  It helped the back pain a TON, but he still has terrible, sleep-depriving foot and ankle pain.

Anywho...being sick is never fun, but especially not when you could be having fun with friends.



 However, I refused to have an awful, boring, sitting around coughing at each other, kind of New Year's Eve.  I just needed some inspiration.

Enter this game.  Some dear friends gave it to us for Christmas.  And I have to think it was divine inspiration (ok, I'm using that term a little loosely here), but it was a desperately needed family activity that did not include kleenex and Vicks.

 Why was it great?
 

We acted like movie stars, clicked our heels, jumped up and down and asked each 

other if somebody was lost.

  Andrew and I realized we don't remember nearly as many silly jokes as our kids do.  So, our poor kids had to shake their heads at our attempts to make some up.

We hoola danced, snorted like pigs, sniffed ourselves and pretended we were 

ballerinas dancing over hot coals.

 

 We squeaked like mice, meowed like cats and pretended we were playing hide-n-seek.

In short......We laughed, we cried, we wore an elephant nose and googly eyes.

Happy New Year!!!!

We have news :)

Last Thursday I received a phone call that gave me goose-bumps, made my eyes fill with tears and my heart swell with praise.....we got an unofficial referral!!!  Ok, the unofficial makes it seem not quite "real".  But trust me...it is!

In the middle of July, I saw a picture of an adorable, barely 9 yr old boy on our agency's waiting child list.  I asked Andrew if he was willing to look at the profile and to my complete shock he said ok (he had always said no before).  As soon as Andrew finished reading his profile, he said, "Let's find out more about this little boy."  I rushed a message off to our agency and our case worker responded with more profile information and a surprise - this little boy is in Hong Kong, not China.  While it is true that China owns Hong Kong now (since 1997), HK has been allowed to keep some institutions separate from China - and that includes its adoption program.  Decision time.  Did we really want to pursue this little boy, knowing that doing so meant changes on our Home Study (we were told an estimated $500 + time) and removing ourselves from the China program?  We prayed and pretty quickly decided yes, God had placed a real desire in our hearts to adopt this little boy, so we needed to pursue him.  The only way we could find out from Hong Kong if he was still available for adoption was to request a "preliminary" match for our family (preliminary because our dossier is not ready yet).  Our case worker sent our Homestudy off to Hong Kong.  And then we waited.

It felt like a L O N G three weeks between that decision and the phone call. 

 But that call.....it's hard to explain.

I heard our case worker's voice on the other end and I knew in my heart why she was calling.  I put everything down and said a silent prayer of thanks that our kids were busy doing school work so I didn't have to tell them to be quiet so I could hear.  And then she said, "I have good news...." that was all I needed.  Immediately tears came to my eyes.  Then she told me that not only had we been preliminarily matched, but instead of just the typical "such and such child has been preliminarily matched with such and such family" the Hong Kong Social Service office had written, "This looks like a great family for _____ (our little boy)."  I couldn't stop the tears now.  In case I had ever doubted that God's hands were all over the details of our adoption....here were His clear fingerprints.

I asked a few questions I don't remember any more, our case worker told me that she wasn't going to charge us anything additional for the Homestudy changes that needed to be made (thank you!) and then I called Andrew.  Such joy!  As soon as I got off the phone with him, I called our kids around the computer so I could show them the three pictures we had at the time.  They asked a lot of excited questions, I answered what I could, and we thanked God for clearly directing us to our new son in Hong Kong.

And now we hurry up and finish our mountain of paperwork so we can wait :).  I'd love to show off our new son, but we can't share any pictures online yet, and probably won't be able to for at least another month.  However if you want to stop by my house, I'd be happy to show you the original 3 and the 4 new ones we have - including one with him playing the violin :). 

Cookie Cutter Calling

"Hi.  I am a homeschooling mom and we are adopting."

Double whamee.

It's not unusual during a lengthy conversation with someone who doesn't know me well, that these 2 things end up coming out...not usually in the same sentence...but quite predictably, when one or the other does (or both do), I instantly get a reaction.  The minority tell me they think it's great and then we get to have a conversation about how God is working in each of our lives.  The majority give me one of a few different responses: 

      - Some grimace or groan and inwardly (the bold aren't so inward) start questioning my sanity or my abilities or both.

     - Some say they admire me...I wish they wouldn't.  I'm simply doing what I know God has called me to do.  My days are like their days, a mixed bag of success and failure, just with more regular chaos.

     - And then some start giving me reasons why they don't homeschool or why it just doesn't make sense for them to adopt...etc, etc. 

For this last group, I grieve.  Where Satan can sow seeds of doubt, he sows.  Where Satan can tear Christians down, he tears.  He loves to plant all kinds of confusion and guilt.

I recently had a conversation with a wonderful Godly woman who is devoted to loving her husband and raising her children to the glory of God.  When she asked what I had been doing recently, I replied that I had been filling out paperwork for our upcoming adoption.  Her eyes darted to the floor and then she started telling me (in rapid style) how wonderful adoption is, how much she admires those who adopt (ugh), and how she just doesn't see how it could possibly work for their family.  She quickly produced evidence upon evidence for how her family supports ministries that care for impoverished children, but adoption just wouldn't work....

When she stopped to take a breath I smiled and said, "Andrew and I prayed for a long time for God's clear guidance before we said yes to adopt because frankly, peer-pressure and guilt are fine motivators for short term missions trips...not so much for life decisions."

I think I saw her breathe.  A deep, relieved, "Oh good, your not judging me" type of breath.

 See, I'm convinced that God doesn't issue cookie cutter callings.

No, I don't think I'm some special, unique snowflake.  But my relationship with my Heavenly Father is intimate.  He called me, individually, to follow Him.  And while God calls all of His children to obediently follow Him (through Christ alone), He has not given each of us the same path to follow.  It's not shocking we have a hard time understanding this concept - the Disciple Peter did too (check it out at the end of the book of John), but I do think it's sad.

Should more Christians be caring for widows and orphans?  Yes.  Should more be deeply invested in their children's schooling and education?  Yes.  But, outside of praying for God to move more hearts, my hands are full enough figuring out how God has called me and my family to behave in these spaces and live out that calling to figure out how God is calling others.  Period. 

Check...Check...Check...

Financial statements printed out...check
Attend Attachment parenting class...check
Getting blessed by the presence of old friends who had amazingly (definite God-thing) signed up for the same attachment class in a city neither of us live in and making the class so much more fun...check :)
First homestudy meeting...check
Medical Needs Summary filled in (soooo hard to do!!)...check
Birth certificates & marriage license copies...check
Blood drawn...check
Cup peed in...check
14 page Essay Questionnaire with waayyy too many personal questions...check
Shorter Family History Questionnaire with a bunch more personal questions...check
Physicals for kids...check
Helping the nurse catch my nearly 13 yr old, getting almost-as-big-as-mom, son as he passes out in the Dr. office after getting shots required for travel to China...check :}
4 1/2 of the required 10 Hague online class hours completed...check
Homestudy papers scanned, saved, put in an envelope and mailed off to our agency...check and double check!

We're making progress :)

Yes we are :)

I have typed and retyped this post in my head and now that my fingers are on the keys....I'm at a loss for words.  Kind of like when you get up in front of the church to tell your testimony and while a zillion thoughts race through your head, you start the discussion of how God miraculously worked in your heart with, "Ummm..I guess it started when...." :)

So, here we go

Several years ago, Andrew and I felt an unsettling in our lives.  So, we started praying.  Was God unsettling us to get us ready to move overseas with Cat?  To move to a different house locally?  To adopt?  Foster?  We really didn't know...so we just kept praying.  One night, God spoke to Andrew so clearly that He was not asking us to adopt at that time, but the "unsettledness" just wouldn't go away.  Andrew and I are firmly in the persuasion that until and unless God was calling us to such a life change, to move forward was foolish.  So we kept praying...and wondering...and being unsettled.  And I have to say, it was not fun.  I felt expectant - but of what, I had no idea!  I just knew God wanted us to keep seeking Him out and I just had to trust that He would let us be in the know when it was time.

Last spring, in God's perfect timing, Andrew was offered a new position at Cat...one that was still here in Peoria.  After more than a year of very intentionally and earnestly seeking Him out about His plan for our life, we had a peace about this job and so Andrew said "yes."  A few months later God pointed us to the perfect home for our family.  Through a series of amazing events, we offered on the house and the offer was accepted as it was written within hours.  We put our home of 12 1/2 years on the market a week later and it sold after just 2 days.  Wow...wow!!  I'm still amazed by it all!  Throughout the whirl-wind we had (and still have) such a peace that God was working out every little detail.

We moved July 4th, after a weekend filled with 2 family reunions, and the same week Andrew started his new job.  Then real chaos hit.  Heart wrenching chaos.  And then mind-boggling chaos.  My sister broke her neck in mid-August and we welcomed her 4 yr son old Alex into our home for 5 weeks as she started the healing process (God's protection and healing of her are a whole different amazing story).  Meanwhile construction got started to finish the basement of our new house.

That was enough change, right?  Apparently not.  I still felt unsettled.  So we continued to pray about what else God desired for our family.  This time, I knew my unsettling was an increasing burden to adopt, but Andrew did not have the same burden.  So, I prayed that if the burden was not from the Lord (if it was just a peer-pressure type feeling, or guilt, etc.) He would take it away, and if it was from Him that He would strengthen it and give Andrew the same burden.

In early September Andrew agreed to let me contact Loving Shepherd Ministries to find out what countries we would be able to adopt from if we adopted (definitely not a settled matter).  As soon as we got the response back and looked it over, Andrew confidently said, "Well, if we adopt, we'll adopt from China."  I don't know why I'm continually amazed at his decisiveness, probably because I am such a second-guesser, but I asked, "Don't you even want to look at the other countries?"  "Nope." he responded, "We've been praying for imprisoned pastors and our friend Pearl & her house church in China every night for the last 10+ years.  God has given us a burden for China - it's China."  Then he asked me "So if we were to adopt, what are you thinking?  Boy? Girl? How old?"  I replied, "This may seem crazy, but I think God has laid a boy on my heart, younger than Lucas, possibly older than Alyssa, but at least 4 years old."  Andrew nodded his head and said, "Yep."  Shocked, I asked him why - "A boy close to Lucas' age would be the right fit for our family."  End of conversation, but awesome confirmation that God had been working behind the scenes :).

Fast forward to January.  Andrew and I were working on our Bible study of the book of John and we were discussing the lack of faith in the Jewish people when they asked Jesus for a sign to prove He was the promised Messiah after He had taught them and done so many miracles.  I turned to Andrew, took a deep breath and said, "This study is really hitting me hard.  We've been praying about the possibility of adoption for 2-3 years and for the last 6 months I've asked God to take away the burden to adopt if it wasn't from Him and I still have the burden."  He seemed relatively unfazed, so I uncomfortably fixed my eyes on the Bible in front of me and went on.  "At this point, I feel like if I just keep praying and asking God to show me His plan, I will be like those Jewish people asking for another sign when He has already given me more than enough."  I noticed Andrew hadn't fallen over backward in shock so I timidly raised my eyes to his and continued.  "Is there any reason we shouldn't start the adoption process right now?"

He paused for just a moment and then said, "Nope.  Call up Erin and Andy, figure out what agency they used and let's get this moving."

Now, you have to understand - when my husband says "Let's get this moving" he means it...no holds barred, no turning back.  We called a few other adoptive families to ask questions, researched agencies and then told family and close friends, attended an informational meeting, attended an adoption conference, prayed over different agencies and chose one and of course we have a color-coded excel spreadsheet listing out the various steps we need to go through before the adoption of our little boy is final. :)

Now to answer THE question - when - we have been told 16-18 months on the long end (basically enough time to get our paperwork done and accepted) because we will be bringing home an "older" boy and there isn't really a waiting list of people looking for older boys.

One more story before I close out this novel:
A couple weeks before we told our kids, I was looking at different possible agencies while our kids were downstairs having just started an "Adventures in Odyssey" CD.  Suddenly I heard a little voice behind me, "Mom?  Are you and Daddy going to adopt?"  Lucas had apparently been reading over my shoulder.  We wanted to talk to our kids in a family meeting, not one at a time, so I gathered my wits and responded, "You know we've been praying about adoption for quite a while and we will tell all of you together when it's the right time."  He then turned to me with tears in his eyes and with his voice full of emotion said, "Mom, because I want a brother...about my age.  I'll share my room with him and I'll share my toys...I just want a brother about my age."  Wow...tears!  More confirmation that we were on the path God had laid out for us.